Be Our (special) Guest

On wedding days I tend to meet a lot of bridesmaids – but one in particular recently stood out to me.  Grace has bilateral hearing loss, which means that she wears hearing aids in both ears and experiences difficulties with hearing what the rest of us hear. 

Having read her most excellent blog (and now featured in it) I started to think far more about guests with extra needs at weddings, and how wedding planning can take their needs into account without having to make too many changes.

So, when planning your wedding day – do you have any guests who may need extra consideration?  I deliberately don’t say “disabled” because I am sure you don’t view them that way, but therefore may inadvertently overlook their needs.  This may be anything from a friend who uses mobility aids to Grandpa who walks a little slower.

I’ll start with hearing loss – because Grace has taught me so much!

When planning your wedding breakfast room, take into account the table layout, and the table positioning.  Grace prefers a round table, because she needs to be able to see the other guests’ faces.  If space allows you can use round tables without seating people all the way round to ensure that all guests can see top table, which is also just a nice thing to do! Nobody really wants to have their back to the bride and groom!  When it comes to the speeches, I always recommend using a microphone – its not just about how loud the speech makers can talk, but how noisy the room is. This is extra relevant if you have a guest with a hearing impairment.  If the room doesn’t have a PA system, consider bringing one in (I have several freestanding speakers with radio mics that are perfect for this).  It doesn’t have to be complicated, and with wireless technology it will be possible to position the speaker in the best place to support your guest rather than having to physically seat them next to a speaker – which may be your consideration if the pa system in built in and fixed.

The same is true for the ceremony itself – when you marry you will be facing your partner, which means that any guest who relies on lip reading will only be able to see one of you (at best).  A discreet microphone/pa system will benefit your hearing-impaired guest, and all the other guests too!

 From a legal point of view it is worth knowing that your “witnesses” are exactly that, they must confirm that they heard you make the legal declarations etc – so you must ensure that they can actually hear the whole ceremony.

 

Mobility needs come up at many weddings.  It isn’t just a case of whether or not the venue has a wheelchair ramp (and remember that some of the most beautiful venues are listed and will therefore present their own challenges).  Wedding days can involve a lot of moving the guests around to tight timescales.  Keep in mind any of your guests who may need a little extra time – you might want to assign an usher or family member to assist them, ensure they are seated close to anywhere they need to move to and advise the venue/Master of Ceremonies so that they can be given advance warning of when guests will be asked to move to the ceremony room, wedding breakfast, first dance etc.

When it comes to comes to seating plans consider not only access for your guest, but also take into account any other movement around them – the last thing you want is a guest who feels like they are in the way or a hindrance to your day.

 

We want to ensure that every guest enjoys your special day, so don’t forget to ask an expert – your guest!

The End Is (Almost) In Sight

 

There’s a lot of excitement around the latest announcements about the road out of lockdown and COVID-19 restrictions, but what does this really mean for weddings?

Now, I don’t want to sound at all negative, but I do want to make sure we keep a firm grasp here!

The big date is 21 June, when all restrictions are lifted, but the frankly massive caveat is that this is a “not before” date, and depends on all milestones being hit.

Everyone has put this date into their diaries as the day that we can all go and party again – and I hope we all can!  But please, no matter how long you have waited for your special day, don’t feel pressured to accelerate your wedding plans to have it at the earliest possible date!  One thing that lockdown has shown us is that small intimate weddings are a great way to celebrate a marriage.  You can have a marriage without a big party!

Why not have a small, intimate wedding day, and follow it up with a big party at a later date?  Although June 21 is the BIG date the “roadmap” actually allows for smaller ceremonies at an earlier date – Step 2, (not before) 12 April allows for weddings of 15 people, step 3 (not before) 17 May allows for weddings with 30 people, so if you want to bring forward your marriage but not the big party, you can get married as early as April or May.

 

Many wedding days have a “daytime” guest list and an “evening” guest list – so why not split that across two days?  I know it has been a long wait for many, and I certainly understand the frustration you must be feeling, but with a whole year of weddings to catch up on dates and suppliers will be in high demand.  Do you want to compromise?

 

But Won’t two Wedding Days mean Twice the cost?

The short answer is no.  The longer answer is also no!  Almost half of all couples who did get married in 2020 saw their wedding costs reduce.  By having a small wedding day with a reduced guest list you are able to save on catering costs, save on entertainment costs, transport costs and quite possibly on venue costs.

 

It’s not a crazy idea!  82% of couples who married with a guest list of 15 are planning a second celebration, while 63% of those with up to 30 guests are also intending to do so (figures from Bridebook’s UK wedding survey)

 

The dress, the suits – you get to wear twice!  No need to have an all-day photographer at the second event, and the catering can be less formal – and it’s something that you can have some real fun with!  How about street food, a pop up bar…  The possibilities when you have a second day are endless, and without the stress that can come with a full on wedding day – especially if you are trying to arrange it in a hurry!

 

Ok, so here comes the sales pitch!  As a Wedding Butler and DJ with years and year of experience I can handle both days for you, adding a touch of glamour and style to the actual wedding day and making sure the party day goes exactly to plan.

 

And yes, if I do both days for you I will of course do you a great deal!

The First (and second) Dance

 

The first dance is a traditional part of many weddings – to the point that it was even specifically allowed for in the Covid-19 regulations, but it is sometimes approached with trepidation, sometimes with extensive choreography and sometimes woefully underplayed by DJs and wedding bands.  The first dance is the opening for the evening party, a chance perhaps for the evening only guests to fully appreciate the wedding dress, and a chance for the happy couple to spend a few moments together alone – even though they are in the spotlight!  It also marks the end of the formalities of the day, with just the dancing, drinking and perhaps the evening buffet to come!

The Dance

Whilst some people will seek dance lessons and learn a choregraphed dance, it is perfectly acceptable to simply hold each other in a classic slow dance!  Trying to remember dance steps – especially if you are not an accomplished dancer – can be just one more stresser on a day that should be as relaxed as possible.  There was a trend for a while of “novelty” dance routines, with a sudden change in music, bad acting from the DJ and a surprise routine.  If that’s what suits your wedding – then go for it!  But bear in mind a trend is by definition something that has been done many times before!

The Song

Traditionally the first dance was the song that the couple first got together to – but as the way people meet has changed vastly since I first started DJing weddings, so now it may be just a favourite song, a meaningful song – or anything that you choose, and you can choose anything!  Check the lyrics for anything that might not be appropriate - the very famous song with the line “We’ve been down this road before” may not be ideal for a second wedding!  Some songs in the past were very regularly used for a first dance, but in more recent times John Legend’s “All Of Me” is a near perfect first dance!

The Guests

The first dance should be as much of an event within the wedding as any other part of it – so it should have a big build up, a proper introduction and once the dance is underway the other guests should be invited to join in.  I always prearrange a signal with the happy couple, as many couples don’t actually want to be in the spotlight for too long!  I will invite the wedding party first – Bridesmaids best man etc – followed by family, married couples, non-married couples and then “everyone else”.  This builds up a full dancefloor of family and friends celebrating with you and encourages participation!

The Second Dance

Oh yes, I will always play a second, and possibly third slow dance.  Foe some guests (often the older guests) this will be their main visit to the dance floor, so lets keep it going.  There will also be other people who would love to shar that special dance with you – close friend, godparents, Uncle/Aunt and of course your parents, which leads us nicely on to

The Father - Daughter Dance

Father-daughter and in the background,
another father-daughter!

More of a US tradition, but becoming increasingly popular in the UK, the father-daughter dance would usually be just after the first dance but can be at any point in the first half of the evening.  Some may think it a throwback to old traditions of the Father’s role, but then, much of a wedding day is tradition!  Just like the first dance, it is an opportunity to invite others to join in – especially anyone who is there with their own daughter or children (even if the children are grown up!).  There is a whole list of suitable songs although my own favourite is “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle.  An alternative choice might be a song from childhood, something meaningful to Bride and Father -  I can’t wait until someone requests “Morningtown Ride” (A Junior Request favourite!)

 

The first dance.  It’s a special moment – but don’t fret about it!  Enjoy the moment in the spotlight, but at the same time the intimacy of 3minutes 30 seconds of just the two of you!

Songs featured in the article:

John Legend - All Of Me

Bob Carlisle - Butterfly Kisses

The Seekers - Morningtown Ride

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Mini weddings – the next (current) trend?

 

2020 was the year when weddings had to change – but could it also be the year that changed weddings?  Writing this just after Christmas it feels weird to think back to early 2020 when putting off weddings seemed almost pre-emptive, and we were sure that we would just be delaying by a few months.  Fast forward 9 months and we are seeing a new style of weddings - dictated by Government guidelines.  From weddings with 27 guests down to weddings with just 15 couples, guests and suppliers have had to adapt.  Some have postponed, some have gone ahead, some people have eloped!

Whilst I have not DJ’d a wedding now in around a year, through my work as a butler I have seen weddings that have gone ahead, and of course had many conversations with brides and grooms who have booked their weddings with me.  I have seen mini weddings, I have had postponements, one elopement and sadly one outright cancellation.

So what is the future?

Firstly, I predict that from whenever we can get back to “normal” it will take at least two years to catch up with weddings.  Suppliers, venues, registrars can all only do so many weddings per year, so unless you want to compromise, you may still need to wait.

My second prediction is an upturn in the number of mini weddings, even after Covid.  I have seen some wonderful, intimate and very personal weddings in this period, and not one couple has seemed disappointed or unhappy with their day!  Possibly may favourite was a wedding in our smaller ceremony room, afternoon tea for all 15, and then the bride and groom stayed overnight in the hotel and had dinner for two that evening after all their guests had gone, giving them a chance to be alone and to savour their wedding day!

So why not!  I have always reminded people that the most important – the only important part of their day is to get married in front of their closest family and friends.  A smaller ceremony can be more intimate and more personal, it also allows for a different choice of venues, not restricted by their size.  A more personal wedding may also be a less stressful one – with brides and grooms feeling less like they are “on stage”.  A meal, some speeches, lots of personal time with your closest guests.  By scaling down your day, it will allow you to choose to either scale down your budget, or perhaps include some touches that may not fit into the budget for a larger day.

Perhaps the small, intimate day sounds idyllic (and bear in mind that in the future we won’t be restricted by specific numbers), or perhaps you still want the big party, Prosecco and “Dancing Queen”.

Why not have both?

This is an option being taken up by many couples right now, but there is no reason why you can’t do the same thing in the future!  Essentially it is the same idea that we have been doing for years with overseas weddings where the “evening reception” takes place at a later date. After your intimate and low stress wedding day, have the big party – without the pressures that are always present on a wedding day.  I’d always suggest that you still style it as a wedding – wear the dress, cut the cake, maybe even speeches – but this time you can just rock up and party!  Keep the theming the same so that it isn’t just “a party” but it is still an integral part of your wedding day – just on a different date!

Of course, there will still be big weddings – and for many people that will be the day that they want, but now there are more options.

 Maybe something good will come out of 2020 after all!

 

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(Its Easy as) A..B..C - Wedding planning tips from Chouette Events

 

Planning your wedding is the most exciting thing to do – but it can also be very daunting! For many people it will be the biggest project they have ever undertaken - possibly even the first – with a large budget and a cast of hundreds!

Whilst you will want to do as much of the wedding planning yourself, it is a good idea to look for help and advice, especially from experts who have a lot of experience in special events – and a passion for weddings!

One such expert is Lindsay who owns Chouette Events.  I met Lindsay when we were working together on a big event at one of Birmingham’s most prestigious venues, which Lindsay was helping to run at the time.  Since then Lindsay has developed her passion for events, food and networking with superb suppliers, and launched her ABC service – so when I asked her for her top tips for wedding planning, they followed her ABC system…

 

1 - The best piece of advice I can give would be to source the right suppliers. This will be your team, and they will be in charge of delivering all the elements that make up your big day! You want it to be right, so look for people who will offer the right style and who think along the same lines as you. For example, when it comes to flowers some florists might specialise in the more traditional and some will go for bold, bright, wild vibes. Pick the one that most suits your style. It should be someone you feel is approachable, and who understands where you’re coming from. It needs to be someone you feel you can call if you have a crisis or who will be open to any changes that need to be made. You should just click!

2 - Once you’ve secured the venue and the suppliers, there can be months or even years before the wedding but there is still so much to do. It can be daunting, so get organised! Manage your money, draft up your guestlist, draw up the table plan. If you need help with these things, your suppliers are there to support you. And there are always people you can hire if you feel you need a helping hand. It’s a juggling act, so keeping on top of things is key.

3 - Most importantly, you want to be able to enjoy your special day! Work hard at the planning so that you can relax and enjoy your wedding. Communicate with your venue, let your suppliers know what you need from them, delegate to your bridesmaids and your best men! Just make sure you and your partner soak up every minute of the day, and make sure you get to spend at least some of it together! Getting a wedding co-ordinator can really help take the pressure off. Do what you need to do to make the day yours!

Top tips from Lindsay!  Lindsay offers a wedding and events planning service, and also virtual parties!

If you would like to follow her (and you should!) she can be found on Facebook, Instagram and on her website

Sharp Dressed (Best) Man

 

PhotographybyJessica.ie

Wedding planning traditionally includes the hunt for the perfect dress, on the day everyone will strain to see what the bride is wearing as she walks down the aisle…but what about the men?  The Groom, best man, ushers, groomsmen and the fathers?

Have you thought about what you will be wearing on the day?

As ever, there are options, and the choice you make will be right for you.

Traditionally – its morning suit.  Top hat and tails.  For many this will be the one chance to dress up (although I wear it as every day work clothes!)  There is no question that a wedding party in morning suit looks stylish, classy and rather dashing!  You can personalise it by choosing colours – tailcoats don’t just come in grey! – colouring matching ties and cravats and wearing fancy waistcoats.  It is nice to distinguish the groom – perhaps cravat instead of tie, different colour or a different colour waistcoat.  Budget wise – you can hire a full suit for around £100-£200, many suppliers will dress the groom for free.  You may wish to consider buying instead – you won’t get the very best quality for much under £300, but you can find cheaper or even ex-hire if you think it will be something you will wear again.  You will see weddings with non-matching morning suits because they belong to the individuals wearing them (personally I have two!) This is perfectly acceptable!

Lounge suits are becoming more widely worn – they are comfortable, mainstream, easy to source and, crucially, they are budget friendly as they can be worn again and again.  You can personalise by simply choosing a colour or fabric to match/complement the colour scheme or overall theme for your wedding.

Tweed is becoming quite a popular choice for wedding attire.  Like a lounge suit they are budget friendly – albeit normally a little more expensive than a regular suit and with different colours and pattern you can personalise and set the groom/best man apart.  Tweed is ideal if you are planning a rustic or barn style wedding

The American tradition is the Tuxedo (which is the original name for a Dinner Jacket). Smart, classic and quite often something that your wedding party will already own.  It is surely something that everyone should have in their wardrobe, so if you need to buy this is a factor in your budgeting – most men won’t mind buying a suit that they will use again.  Tuxedos don’t need to exactly match if you are all wearing your own – you can however buy a set of matching shirts to get that balanced look – and personalise with a different bow tie for the groom, or perhaps a fancy Tuxedo.  The jacket (and whole suit) needn’t be black – especially for the groom!

Now, I’m not saying that you should scrabble about trying to research your family tree, but Scottish Wear is very popular for weddings!  If you do have an ancestral “right” to wear a kilt (or you just want to) then why not?  If it is likely to be a one off then renting is probably the best option for your budget, and you can personalise if you have wedding party or guests who have their own tartan.  My own is Cameron of Lochiel, but anyone can wear Royal Stewart or Black Watch among others.  There is also Cornish, Northumberland and the saffron kilt of Northern Ireland.

 

Whatever you choose, you can personalise it with accessories.  You can wear matching shirts, coloured ties.  There are some fabulous men’s brooches for suits and of course cufflinks. Pocket watches look fab and make a great gift. Why not play around with buttonholes – or as one wedding did, have action figures (Star Wars) in the top pocket instead!

 

Remember that it is the Groom’s day as well, so choose style, elegance, a bit of bling – but most of all, something that you will be comfortable in.

 

We're Going to the Chapel and We're (possibly) Gonna Get Married

As I write this we are 6 months into the Covid-19 “situation” and for weddings things are getting tougher rather than easier.  Whilst some restrictions have been lifted, weddings have become more restricted, with the limit on guests now down to 15 from 30.  If you were planning a wedding during this time, what are your options?

 

Well, in essence you have two options – postpone or have a micro wedding.  Whichever you choose is the right choice for you.

 

Postpone

I can’t begin to understand how hard it must be when you have to “pull the trigger” on postponing your wedding.  Just remember – as I have said before  – it is only the date that is changing.  Your love is unchanged, you are still getting married, just on another date.  Talk to your venue and to your suppliers – and do it quickly!  The reality is that the longer this goes on the more congested dates are going to be – and in my opinion we are looking at two years until we can catch up.  Don’t panic!  You will find a date, and most, if not all, of your suppliers will hopefully be able to be with you on your new date. (If they can’t, they should be returning any deposits that you have paid, minus reasonable expenses for work already carried out - Gov't advice )

 

Micro Weddings

It may be that the right choice for you is to go ahead with your wedding day.  If you do (at time of writing) you will be able to have a wedding with 15 people at it, including any celebration afterwards.  Does this affect your love?  Does it make you any less married?  No, not at all!  So what might you like to do?

With 15 at your wedding you will still be getting married to the one you love in front of your closest friends and family. 

You can still share the event with others – streaming works for meetings and even music concerts, so why not your wedding?  It can be as simple as a single static camera or more complicated if you use a specialist (who doesn’t count as part of your 15).  Maybe consider a videographer (if you weren’t before) and share your wedding that way.

Have you thought about getting married twice?  Recently I was involved in a wedding where the couple had their civil ceremony and then had a “blessing” by a family member attended by a different group. You may need to check any local restrictions, and I can’t vouch for any interpretations of changes to law – but these are just some ideas for “thinking outside the box”.

Consider your “micro wedding” in the same way as an elopement.  Have your wedding day and then – whenever we are able to – have the big party!  Wear the dress, put on a suit, cut the cake and make speeches.  This way you can have a romantic, intimate wedding for 15 – perhaps a nice dinner, live music – and also have the big party without that wedding day stress!

 

Whichever option you choose, postpone or go ahead, do what feels right for you, and if we can be of any help to you – just ask!